I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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