Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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