And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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