Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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