guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize