grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize