I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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