If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize