I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk walkin through police station. America
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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