I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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