What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
