i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
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K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
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Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just pee around me
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
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