I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize