what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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