thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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