peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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