I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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