and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
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I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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