her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
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I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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