Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
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Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
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She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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