Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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