It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just fell off a train. Bad.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
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you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
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Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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