"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize