Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
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now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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