cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
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well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
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Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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