I think I can smell my own vagina right now
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize