Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
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you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
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I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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