Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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