I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
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I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
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You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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