Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
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He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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