I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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