We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
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I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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