first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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