Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize