my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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