At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
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don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
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Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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