i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
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Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
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If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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