I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize