So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
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I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
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Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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