I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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