I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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