But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
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My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
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I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My life is pants optional.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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