You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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