take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize