Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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