this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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