I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
bring money and cleavage
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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