I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize