i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize