Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize