if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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